Sex, Frustration and Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (CRPS)

When you have RSD/CRPS, having a relationship can be very challenging. I have been dating my boyfriend now for three months. Explaining to him about how much pain I am in is impossible. It seems to go through one ear and out the other.  He is always pressuring me into having sex with him even after telling him I am in pain and don't feel good.  My RSD pain is mid back all the way to the top of my toes. Most days hugs cause me pain, so anything with touching of the vagina, thrusting of the hips. and the weight of the other person on top.   I just seem to not be able to get through to him on how much pain I am in. This scares me because if I can't get through to him and he doesn't watch what he is doing I will have to break-up with him.

Today, for instance, I got home from OBGYN who just did a pre-op exam for my tubal ligation surgery I will be getting the end of October. This exam caused my RSD to have pain and burning in my vagina. He knew I wasn't feeling very good. He came over and surprised me with this beautiful flower and candy. How can you not love and give your guy pleasure for bringing a thoughtful gift when you are not feeling good?

He spent time with me watching Merlin, a fun TV show, but within an hour he starts to touch my vagina.  I quickly push his hand away. I was really mad at him for that. He tells me, "I can't help it I have such strong feelings for you." Then he tries it again. He whines about having a boner and he has to release it. Now I am thinking did you really come over to make me smile or did you come over to get pleasure?  

Recently, he has been having a lot of pain in his ankle to the point where he doesn't want to do anything because of it.  I really wanted to kick his foot so hard and say, "That is how I am feeling. I will stop kicking you if you stop trying to touch me where I don't want to be touched."

Did I say how much it sucks to be a woman?
Especially a woman in pain?
The more and more I am in this relationship the more and more I hate being women. In the beginning of our relationship,  I kept  telling him I am not a sexual type of person. Sexual activity freaks me out. It gives me so much anxiety. Having a lot of pain and not feeling good doesn't help.
My medications also don't help. They cause bladder infections, vagina dryness, burning and soreness.  I  was open and honest with him from the start of this relationship. I told him "I don't want to have sex until I am married or in a relationship for at least 2 years. Even if we have been together for 2 years or married, I cannot physically feel like having sex all the time. You would be lucky if you get any type of sexual type of activity once a month."

I know he gets really frustrated with me because I don't stay over at his place. The main reasons why I don't stay at his place is:

1. It is really hard for me to find a comfortable spot. The only spot I find to be comfortable is in my recliner.  He doesn't have a recliner. Sleep is very important for someone with health problems, especially with RSD/CRPS. 
2. My medications mixed with his high sex drive don't make a safe environment, at least at this time of the relationship. My Ambien can cause me to do things I don't want to do. I fear he might push me into having sex when I am out of it. I know you are probably thinking, "If you are worried about this why are you going out with this guy?" I understand that and that is why I am taking it slow and really watching him and analyzing him and his actions. If he can't control himself or keeps pushing himself on me I will break up with him. 
3.  His brother and brother's fiancee live with him. They are great people, but it makes it harder. 
4. I really want to be settled in life first. I am in the process of trying to get on social security disability because I can't find a full-time or even a part-time job that will work with my health. My RSD/CRPS, Rheumatoid arthritis and stomach are getting worse. I don't want to get into a situation where he is the dominant of the relationship. No one in the relationship should be dominant. I want to make sure my confidence and self-esteem is ready for it.  I also don't want to feel I should be having sex with him because he is paying my bills and giving me a house to live in.  I don't think he would do that but I am still learning things about him. 
5. Changes are hard on RSD/CRPS. For instance,  a few weeks ago I worked on a Music Video . I don't go to bed until 1:30am and get up around 11:00am. I had to be on set at 5:30 am. Trying to go to bed at 9:00pm was really hard and waking up at 4:30am was impossible, but I did it. I didn't get home until 9:30pm. That is a very long day with RSD/CRPS. I am still paying for doing that music video. 

Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, at least on and off LOL. When he can he goes to many of my doctor appointments with me. He does things he isn't a fan of doing such as seeing musicals and plays. He plays cards with my grandma and my mom. I live with my parents right now so he puts up with my loving parents.  I think that is why he makes me feel bad about not giving him pleasure. Having sex though is something I won't do, at least for a long while.   This is my body and I don't feel comfortable about doing sex type activities. Plus I suffer with severe amount of pain all the time. If he doesn't like it then the relationship will just have to end. This does scare me because I worry if I will ever find someone who excepts that I am in pain all the time and can't do things normal people can do. They say they love me no matter what, but I am starting to find that is not always true. They love you until you can't give them what you want.
I hope everything works out and look forward to learning more and more about him. I promise to keep you up to date on my relationship. I will also let you know tips and tricks I learn being in a relationship while dealing with health problems.